Yes, I am.

I love Blair, particularly, because of her pretty clothes and her headbands. I love how she’s bitchy and sort of clueless at the same time.

I love Serena, too, because her fashion style I can sort of relate to. I have those grungy tunic shirts and skinny jeans and boots. I love her.

I’ll go worship them now.

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Last week, I posted something about wanting to work abroad. I’m not looking for a job Nino, just in case you decide to come reading around again. I just feel like there’s nothing left here for me. I’m dejected, depressed and just sickened by all the corruption in this country. I need change.

That said, I won’t be leaving any time soon. I still have a year and a half to go to complete my masters, and I actually have a decent job here. I like this country. I just need a little time to recuperate.

**************************

Anyone willing to buy me a Wii? I’ll love you forever, I swear.

Tonight I’m not playing the good guy anymore.

Always, I try not to be that whiner who wails constantly about the state of this country. There’s no point ranting and raving constantly without doing your share to make things better. I know it’s difficult to make a difference, but always I’ve sought not to be the stupid ass shouting invectives at heaven, cursing this godforsaken nation.

But now I really just want to say this out loud, with no care, concern or hesitation.

I want out.

I want nothing more to do with a country that awards criminals and crucifies the honest.

Where children have to get an eye poked out before someone gives them a scholarship.

I want nothing more to do with a country that shrugs off murders, human rights violations and corruption.

I’m just sick of all this crap.

But of course, like some stupid kid I can never stay mad at my country for long. Beneath the anger, the depression, the disgust … there’s always some sort of love.

But not today. I need time to deal with this shit.

Kung, tulad ko, araw-araw kang nakikipagbuno sa mga kasabay mo sa jeepney, bus o MRT, dapat mong basahin at namnamin ang kasulatang ito. Sa araw-araw na ginawa ng Diyos, may nakakasalamuha kang mga pasaherong kulang sa iodized salt at tamang pagpapalaki ng magulang. Kung makikita mo lang ang mga report card nila nung grade school, malalaman mong bumagsak sila sa GMRC (Good Manners and Right Conduct).

Ahem.

Kaya naman nararapat lang na magkaroon ng ganitong kasulatan na maaring isampal at ipamukha sa mga nilalang na hindi marunong makisama sa mga kasabay sa pampublikong sasakyan.

At yaman din lamang na may kabuluhan naman ang pinagsusulat ko dito, maaring i-print ang kasulatang ito, ipaskil sa bawat jeep, bus at MRT station para malaman ng lahat ang dapat at hindi dapat iasal sa pampublikong sasakyan. Kung hindi naman sila marunong bumasa, maaring pakibasa ang angkop na talata habang sinasampal nang paulit-ulit ang nasasakdal hanggang sa matauhan.

Isinusulat ko nga pala ito sa wikang Filipino dahil wala namang Kanong makaka-relate sa araw-araw na paghihirap ng manlalakbay na Pinoy. Isa pa, ilang araw na kong tinatamad mag-English. Yun yon eh.

Heto at basahin ang panuntunan ng makabagong manlalakbay na Pinoy:

Gabay sa Manlalakbay
Panuntunan sa Tamang Gawi at Asal sa Loob ng
Mga Pampublikong Sasakyan

1. Panghihipo. Iwasang humawak sa tuhod, binti o hita ng kasakay habang bumababa sa jeep kung hindi rin lamang kinakailangan. Mga uugod-ugod na matanda (bawal ang DOM) at mga engot na bata lamang ang may karapatang gawing suporta ang tuhod ng may tuhod. Isama na rin sa alituntuning ito ang mga taong mahilig humawak sa braso, balikat at likod ng mga kasakay sa MRT. Kung pinangarap kong magpahipo, di sana nag-GRO na lang ako at least bayad pa.
2. Underwear. Babae, kung ang suot mo ay full panty na usong-uso noong tinutubuan palang ng bigote si Magellan, huwag kang magkakamaling magsuot ng low-rise na maong. Lalake, kung manilaw-nilaw at bacon na ang brief mo, maghunos-dili ka at itaas mo iyang pantalon mo. Magbelt kung kinakailangan.
3. Bata. Sa mga magulang na may kasamang bata, siguraduhing nabigyan ng sapat na Ritalin, cough syrup o pampatulog ang inyong anak bago kayo lumabas ng bahay. Kung nakalimutang gawin ito, siguraduhing may inihanda kayong busal para patahimikin ang mga batang ngawa ng ngawa. Mahalaga ring siguruhin na hindi mangungulangot si Junior sa pampublikong sasakyan.
4. Buhok. Ang mga babaeng saksakan ang haba ng buhok ay pinapayuhang itali, hawakan o ipakalbo na lamang ang kanilang tinatawag na “crowning glory”. Kumain ako, hindi ko type na ipanghimagas yang buhok mo. Huwag magtaka kung bigla kang sabunutan ng mga kasakay mo isang araw.
5. Siko. Sa hindi maipaliwanag na kadahilanan, may mga taong kung maghalungkat sa kanilang bag eh parang walang katabi sa jeep. Kung umaabot na ang siko mo sa mukha ng kasakay mo, malamang, sumosobra ka na. Hindi rin maiwasan na ang mga guilty sa kasalanang ito ay kadalasang sobra ang hilig sa pagkain at walang pagmamahal sa ehersisyo.
6. Titig. Hindi ako si San Chai/Kim Chiu/Sandara Park/Yachang. Walang dahilan para titigan ako nang saksakan ng tagal at lagkit dahil hindi ka makakahingi ng autograph sa kin.
7. Kandong. Hindi kasama sa otso pesos na binayad mo ang hita ko. Huwag ka nang humirit, hindi ako interesado. At walang ladies’ drink sa jeepney.
8. Miniskirt. Babae, kung ayaw mong masilipan, huwag kang mag-miniskirt. O kaya naman, mag-miniskirt ka pero mag-cycling shorts ka sa loob.
9. Matrona. Naiintindihan kong nakakatakot ang tumabi sa isang taong mukhang iskwater na walang gagawing matino, pero hindi naman siguro sapat na dahilan iyon para tingnan mo ako mula ulo hanggang paa, sabay ismid at talikod na parang nandidiri sa pagkatao ko. Hindi rin tamang angkinin mo ang lahat ng espasyong dapat ay sa akin. Puwes, aleng pinaputi ng chinchansu at pinakulubot ng panahon, hindi ka pa ganoon katanda para igalang. Ito ang tatandaan mo: mukha akong basura pero mas mayaman ako sa iyo. Che!
10. Bukaka. Opo, sangkalalakihan. Gawan ninyo ng paraan ang inyong mga binti. Ipitin ang dapat ipitin para magkasya ang walo sa pituhang jeepney. Mas malala pa dito ay ang mga tomboy na kung makabukaka eh parang may maiipit din pag pinagdikit ang hita nila. Imahinasyon mo lang iyon, iha.

At iyan na nga ang mga alituntuning dapat tandaan ng bawat manlalakbay na Pinoy. Harinawa’y isapuso’t isip ang mga ginintuang aral na ito. God bless at mabuhay tayong lahat.

Just today, Inquirer Sunday published an article listing the most memorable lines in Philippine cinema. Sadly, not on the list is a classic line from the cinematic gem, Angelito San Miguel at ang mga Batang City Jail:

“Sa sobrang pagmamahal mo sa mga materyal na bagay, nakalimutan mo nang mahalin ang kapwa mo tao! Tandaan mo! Tao ang minamahal, hindi materyal na bagay!” ~ Angelito San Miguel (Raymart Santiago)

How eloquent. Why anyone would say that to Roy Vinzon is beyond me.

Anybody who knows me should know that I’m a huge fan of Pinoy movies. I love it all: horror, drama, action, comedy. I even watch the cheap “sexy” films that show up on PBO late at night. They never fail to entertain me, those bold stars. You can barely identify the starlets, let alone figure out the plot with all those cuts (yes, they do not show anything remotely “bold” even when it’s past midnight). It’s just funny, watching them strut around in whatever passes for acting in these pito-pito parts. Plus the dialog is unbelievably laugh-a-minute, particularly when the “actors” fumble through their lines.

And oh, not one of those starlets can be considered sexy at all. Half the time, I stare at the television screen thinking about what the hell the director had in mind when he filled his cast. I can’t exactly explain it, but these wannabes contort themselves into whatever sexy pose seems to appeal to them (or the director), all the while with their ginormous pusons hanging out for all to see.

Great.

Anyway, I also watch tons of action films, particularly those that feature my favorite action star, Ronnie Rickets, who is, by the way, not the brother of Mariz Ricketts. Sometimes I assume Mariz married Ronnie just so she could have a last name. But no, I was actually kidding. My favorite actor is Derek Dee. NOT.

I love Robin Padilla.

That’s actually true. I have a humongous, unforgivable crush on Robin Padilla, and I’m not ashamed to admit it. I also like watching movies starring my all time idol, Sharon Cuneta. Yes, that means I’m a closet Sharonian no more. Boo-yah! Of course that doesn’t mean I liked watching the horror that was the Sharon-Richard (Gomez, not Gutierrez) shower scene. No. No. No.

Moving on.

I like comedies, too, especially those that star Joey de Leon. I’m a big fan of his, and I can’t tell you just how many times I’ve seen “She-Man”. I love that movie, most probably because it includes a gay Joonee Gamboa. And oh, I love “Petrang Kabayo”, too. I can even sing the theme song, given the right “motivating” circumstances.

Going back to that gem of a movie, Angelito San Miguel. It was fun watching a young Raymart act all angsty and serious. His shift from happy to angsty to torn and weepy in seconds left me speechless. No actor can possibly convey such a diverse range of emotions in a split second. Raymart is God’s gift to Pinoy cinema. *cue tears*

Not at all overacting was Keempee de Leon. I must admit I had a big big crush on Keempee back then; I was a big fan of the Keempee-Carmina love team. Go ahead, gag. At least I didn’t go for the Sheryl-Romnick barf fest.

Before I get distracted again, I just have to say that the movie’s “Most Unnecessary Yet Still Highly Entertaining” award goes to Gary Estrada, who tagged along with the motley “Batang City Jail” crew just so he could use his gigolo skills on Dexter Doria while his friends sneaked off with her antiques. Seeing Gary in bed with Dexter Doria is really something else.

They just don’t make films like this anymore.

I miss Tora-Tora Bang-Bang.

I sort of wanted to go to the rally in Makati this afternoon.

I decided against it, though, after realizing what it was really all about. I know people feel passionately about this, and discussing this issue probably requires treading lightly, but I can’t reiterate this enough.

Booting her out is not the key.

Yes, I know, her lackeys are working overtime to discredit the witnesses in the ZTE scandal. I know that as long as she sits there, the judicial process will forever be within the shadow of doubt. Yes, we all know ZTE is a real can of worms. We all hate this shit that’s stinking up the entire country. My point, though, is that getting her out of office isn’t the be all and end all of this crap we’re currently in.

We’ve tried this twice, people, and each time we pat each other on the back, proud that we got another lousy president out of office. I think what most people forget, however, is that People Power isn’t quite as spontaneous as they want to believe. It’s not instantaneous. When the People of the Philippines finally decided enough was enough and got the Marcoses to flee to Hawaii, it wasn’t just that moment that led to success. It was the culmination of years of fighting the dictatorship, back when no one wanted to speak up in fear of becoming a desaparecido.

You can’t just add water and expect a People Power revolution to occur. Somehow, People Power II wasn’t quite as genuine as the first one. People did genuinely care about the issues and how the president was embroiled in corruption scandals, but the point is, everyone just sat back and gloated after Erap got the boot. Now he’s free again and marching with the activists, so what does that actually say about us?

It’s not that we shouldn’t let our voices be heard. That’s not what I’m saying. I’m glad that people care enough to march in the streets. Still, watching them chant slogans calling for the president’s resignation seems a little like deja vu. Same slogan, different president. I’ve seen this all before, and somehow, I know where it’s headed.

It’s an oversimplification, really. We can’t just keep kicking everyone out whenever they get muddied. We won’t have any politicians left if we do. For once, I think we should let justice run its course. It’s naive, I know, but I think we should give our justice system a chance this time. It’s stuffy and it can be easily manipulated to let the guilty off the hook, but the law that protects scumbags protects us, too. We can’t just ignore it every time we feel like doing so. If she’s guilty, then make sure she gets what she deserves — make sure she doesn’t get off as lightly as Erap did.

But it’s not one person, it’s not one government. It’s us. I think maybe we should change ourselves, too, if we want to see some improvements.

I have to admit, though. I have no plans, no ideas. I don’t know what’s best for the country. I’ve got no alternatives. I just think, maybe, this time we really ought to think deep and hard before we start chanting the same old slogans all over again.

A few days ago, I shared an entry I posted here with the Kaisa Para Sa Kaunlaran mailing list. The post was entitled Dahil Puno Na Ang Salop, a rather corny tribute to the King of Philippine Action Movies.

Anyway, I was shocked to find that the piece had traveled halfway around the world. Internet magic.

Now at first it was sort of bewildering, then kind of cool, then sort of scary.

I know I’m not supposed to feel scared when people mention that they’ve received and read my entry via e-mail, but well, I’m just not used to that. Suddenly, people were telling me how much they liked what I wrote.

It’s flattering, but lately I get this feeling from the comments that people think I’m some sort of civic minded being. I’m not. I’m just a little concerned that there are misconceptions about me. I’m not an activist, I’ve never joined a rally, and my Facebook profile says I’m politically apathetic, which is true.

The truth is, I just got so fed up with what was happening, hence the post. I hope people don’t start thinking I’m this gung-ho person who lives and breathes politics. I rarely talk about politics, really.

There have been calls to get me a citizenship, but I’m afraid that isn’t as easy as dialing for pizza. Overall, this is great. I’m glad that what I wrote hit a nerve and people liked it. Maybe I’m just a little overwhelmed.

Truth is, I’m just an ordinary employee, working everyday to get by. I don’t have answers, I don’t have any plans. No, I don’t want People Power 3. I want someone to be accountable for the ZTE-NBN scandal, I want someone to go to jail for this crime if proven guilty by the judicial system. Yes, I’m naive. It’s a little hard to outgrow.

Magta-Tagalog muna ako ngayon, dahil usapang Pinoy ‘to. Magbi-Bisaya din sana ako, kaso ambot eh, kaya Tagalog na lang.

Kagabi, habang pinapanood ko sa TV kung paano gulpihin ng mga kawani ng gobyerno si Jun Lozada, parang nagka-amnesia ako. Parang sa isang iglap, hindi ko na maalala kung bakit sa loob ng mahigit dalawampung taon, ipinagpipilitan kong Pilipino ako, kahit alam kong ayaw sa ‘kin ng bansang ‘to.

Pula ang passport ko, kahit dito ako sa Pilipinas ipinanganak, lumaki, nag-aral at natuto ng katarantaduhan. Wala akong pakialam sa sinasabi ng Bureau of Immigrations. Pilipinas ang bayan ko. Pilipino ako.

Pero kagabi, parang hindi ko na maalala kung bakit pinagsisiksikan ko ang sarili ko sa bansang ‘to. Para ano? Para magpaloko? Para magpagamit? Para gawing tanga?

Buti sana kung sampid lang talaga ako dito. Yun bang nakikikain, nakikinood ng tv, nakikitawag sa telepono. Pero hindi eh. Buwan-buwan pagdating sa ‘kin ng payslip ko, may kaltas na. Tapos saan napupunta? “This is where your taxes go,” sabi ng mga nakapaskil na billboard na naglipana sa Pilipinas. Kasama ang mukha ng taong walang kahit katiting na hiya sa akin — sa akin na nagpakahirap na makipagsiksikan sa MRT at nagtrabaho ng mahigit walong oras bawat araw para lang maipangalandakan niya ang kawalanghiyaan niya.

Buti sana kung hindi ko pera ang pinagtatalunan ngayon sa senado. Buti sana kung pinupulot ko lang sa kalye yung kinakaltas nilang buwis. Buti sana kung may mapagkukunan ako ng 130 million dollars eh, pero wala. Wala.

Ang meron lang ako, yung katiting na perang natitira sa ‘kin bawat sweldo, yung baryang tinira ng gobyerno dahil kahit papaano, meron naman silang awa. Dahil siguro, alam nilang kailangan ko rin ng pambili ng makakain, at para na rin may ipambayad ako sa e-Vat.

Sa totoo lang, ilang beses na nating paulit-ulit na nakita ‘tong pangyayaring ‘to. Lagi pang televised, dahil lahat ng bagay sa Pilipinas, dapat showbiz. Hindi naman ito ang unang beses na pinagtangkaan tayong nakawan. Malamang, hindi rin ito ang huli. At, mas malamang sa hindi, maraming beses na tayong nanakawan ng wala tayong kaalam-alam.

Pero anak ng tutchang naman, isang beses ko pang marinig iyang “move on” na iyan, susuka na talaga ako ng dugo. Sa bawat alegasyon na lumalabas, wala nang sinabi ang gobyerno kundi ito: “Pakana lang iyan ng mga kalaban ng gobyerno, wag tayong magpadala. We need unity. We must move on.”

Pero sino ba talaga ‘tong kalaban ng gobyerno na punong-abala sa mga planong destabilisasyon? Bakit parang napakamakapangyarihan niya at alam niya ang lahat ng nangyayari sa loob at labas ng Malakanyang? Sino ba siya? Si Lolit Solis?

Simple ang pagkaintindi ko sa linyang “move on” ng gobyerno eh. Para matahimik ang sambayanan, huwag kang mag-isip, huwag kang magtanong, huwag kang manggulo. Sa madaling salita, manahimik ka, para walang gulo. Parang 1984.

Tama, wala nga namang gulo. Walang gulo para sa mga taong nagpapakasasa sa bawat sentimong pinaghirapan ng bawat Pilipino (At hindi Pilipinong tulad ko). Maganda nga naman iyon para sa kanila. Kaso lang, sabi ni Confucius, injury requits justice. Katarungan ang kailangan, hindi iyang pesteng “move on”.

At sino ba talaga sa tingin nila ang niloloko nila?

Hindi ako dalubhasa sa ekonomiya, wala rin akong kaklase na naging pangulo ng Amerika. Hamak na graduate lang ako ng USTe, dyan sa may Espanya (yung bahaing kalsada, hindi yung bansa). Pero ipupusta ko ang buhay ni Boy Abunda sa katotohanang ito: ako, sampu ng milyun-milyong Pilipino, nakatapos man o hindi — nakikita namin ang katotohanan sa likod ng mala-pelikulang drama sa senado. Kitang-kita namin ang bawat kawaning may pinagtatakpan, pati na ang bawat kawaning kailangang pagtakpan.

Maliwanag pa sa noo ni Lozada ang katotohanan.

Hindi ako Pilipino, sabi ng Bureau of Immigrations. Sumasang-ayon ang birth certificate ko, pasaporte at iCard. Pasensya na. Wala kasi akong pambili ng pagka-Pilipino, di tulad ng mga banyagang kayang-kayang bilhin ito. Hindi ako smuggler, drug lord o artista. Hindi ko afford ang berdeng pasaporte. Pero kahit ayaw sa ‘kin ng Pilipinas, nandito pa rin ako.

Ilang beses ko nang sinabi sa mga kaibigan at kaanak ko ito. Kung hindi rin lang kakailanganin, wala akong planong iwan ang Pilipinas, kahit mamatay akong banyaga sa bayang kinalakhan ko. Hindi ko kayang iwan ang Maynila, ang maduming fishball, ang Parokya ni Edgar, pati si Robin Padilla.

Pero kagabi, sa unang pagkakataon, parang napagod na ako. Sa kauna-unahang pagkakataon, parang nasuya na talaga ako. Sa kauna-unahang pagkakataon, parang naubos na ang lahat ng pag-asa sa puso ko. Naitanong ko:

Hanggang dito na lang ba talaga tayo?