I love Blair Waldorf.

That’s not just a fact; I’m making a declaration. This is my heartfelt commitment to the adorable Miss Waldorf.

Given an opportunity, I would, of course, gladly trade places with her. I want her pretty, bouncy hair; her wardrobe; her phone; and, well, her money, of course.

That said, there’s a pretty huge difference between “wanting to look like her” and “actually doing something to look like her”. It’s a big gap; be careful not to fall into chasm people.

At first I thought Blair’s headband was pretty cute. I told my sister I would buy one just because. Ever the fashion expert, my sister agilely rolled her eyes to somewhere in the back of her head, smirked and pretty much told me to forget it. Look around, she said, and you’ll realize why you really shouldn’t buy those headbands.

And so look I did.

I found soon enough (after acting like Jane Goodall in a city of apes) that the new sartorial head gear of choice was none other than the ubiquitous “Blairband”. Please do not shoot me; I had nothing to do with that lame-ass semi-brain-dead moniker. Anyway, as you may have figured out by now, a “Blairband” is a cross between “Blair” and “headband”. No, it is not half-human. Yes, it is a headband that resembles the ones Blair wears in most of Gossip Girl.

It wouldn’t be as bad if people used these headbands as they normally would (i.e. push all the hair back and away from the face). Unfortunately, these people wear the “Blairbands” in a way that imitates Blair to a perfect B. With Blair, though, pretty tendrils fall gracefully and complement the poor little rich girl’s attractive face.

On the people I see around me, not so much.

What I’m about to say is nasty, as always, but quite honest.

People, why on God’s green earth would you ever assume that just because something looks good on an actor, it’ll look just as good on you? Actors have make-up artists and designers at their beck and call. No frame will be shot until the actor looks perfect. Perfect.

You, sitting on that jeepney with the wind breaking up your face — you don’t have a make-up artist. There’s no hairstylist to brush away those tendrils from your face and keep them in place. You can buy “Blairbands” and use them daily, but you’ll never look like Blair. Read my lips, baby:

Dream on.

The same goes for people who wear trench coats in this country.

This is a tropical country. You can pray for global warming to turn this country into a snow-covered arctic zone, but until then you have no business wearing Neo (or Trinity) clothes.

And yes, your futile attempts at looking like Wu Chun or some Korean guy-du-jour is pathetic. Scarves are not for men, no matter what those skinny Taiwanese/Korean/Japanese people say. You don’t look hot. You look gay.

And oh, you might want to lose the F4 hairdo, too.

That’s just so five years ago.

Loser.

This entry was posted on Thursday, July 17th, 2008 at 12:16 am and is filed under celebrities, movies, rant. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.