“They tried to tell us we’re too young,
Too young, to really be in love…”

I was in Grade 5 when I first heard “Toyang”, and I didn’t immediately like it. It sort of grew on me at that time, thanks to the playful lyrics and catchy tune. It took the song “Sembreak”, however, to turn me into a life-long fan.

For days on end I would sing “naalala kita pag umuulan (sembreak)” non-stop, erroneous lyrics and all. Then there was “Overdrive”, “Pare Ko” and everything else that followed.

I fell in love.

I don’t suppose I’ve ever really been this in love with any band/singer before, and I never will be again.

I was young, confused and in rather turbulent waters. It was the music of the Eraserheads that brought meaning to who I was. It sort of just dawned on me then, upon hearing their songs, that there was more to life than just the dreary monotony imposed by a parade of authority figures.

No wonder they kept calling the Eheads the spawn of the devil.

Backmasking and other irrelevant religious inquisitions skewered the quartet for their irreverence, but it merely added to the allure. In a Chinese and Christian high school, listening to the Eheads meant three things: (a) you’re a loser; (b) you’re anti-establishment; and (c) you will go to hell. I was all of those things, and I didn’t care.

Last night, in short, was magic.

I can go on and on about all the horrifying things that I subjected myself to last night, but it would be pointless. Everything else can go to hell. Last night, I was young again. It’s not that I’m ancient or anything. I’ll be 25 in a week, for crying out loud.

But listening to the Eraserheads sing all those songs again last night brought me back to a time when I was just realizing who I was. It was a time when all I wanted was to break free of everything. I was idealistic, raw, angry and just … young. Everything was uncertain, the world before me was fresh and ready for the taking.

Now I’m neck deep in bills, responsibility and reality. The world is no longer my oyster. Money is my sole motivator these days. I sold my soul to the corporate schmuck I ranted about when I was younger.

It’s over.

I harbored no delusions about last night’s concert. Even the Eraserheads had grown much older. They played enthusiastically and their prowess with their respective instruments had multiplied by leaps and bounds, light years away from the time they first broke into the local music scene.

I knew, of course, that this was a one time thing. There’s no way we can bring back what they had before. They can regroup, rebuild the Eraserheads, but it’s gone. The youthful, rebellious energy is gone.

Ely is right. We’re too old.

But for at least an hour or so, I was young and free again.

This entry was posted on Sunday, August 31st, 2008 at 1:34 pm and is filed under fangirl, music, television. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.