Stoned Immaculate

It’s official.

I’ve always known that I’m a nerd. You don’t get to thrive in the academe without being one in the first place.  But then again I wasn’t a nerd’s nerd. I’m just really into research, and I don’t brush my hair regularly, and I have trouble matching clothes, and I happen to be interested in things most people find nerdy…

Which is why you get the picture.

But then I never did think I was nerdy enough.  Not until today.

I’ve mentioned several times on Twitter (where I microblog nearly everything, as odious as that sounds) that I’ve gotten hooked on comic books. The Doctor Who comic books didn’t really do the trick. It was re-watching my Buffy DVDs and learning of the comic book-form Season Eight that really got me started.

So I downloaded stuff. 

Vuze is your friend, by the way.  Don’t shun it.

So I got the entire Buffy the Vampire Slayer Season Eight collection (all that’s out anyway), as well as Angel Season Six, even though I never did watch the series.  I have a thing against David Boreanaz, who scared me into making amends with the lovelorn schmuck I tortured daily in class after watching Valentine.

I don’t fancy drowning in a pretty tub like Denise Richards did, so yeah.

So that’s where it all began.

That’s what I’m going to tell my doctors when the walls start talking to me and the dogs start dancing funny.  That’s what I’ll tell the therapist when they take me away in a white van and keep me in a room with fluffy walls.

Because it’s over.

I’m officially nuts about comic books.  I’ve since downloaded tons of stuff by Alan Moore (who is a god I should have worshipped sooner), as well as Y the Last Man.  I also got Spike: After the Fall, of course, because I wouldn’t be watching Buffy if Spike wasn’t there.  

But it gets worse.

Because I finally have, in my hands, an actual comic book.

I bought it. The first comic book I bought with my blood, sweat and tears. Melodramatic but so fucking true. (Can I get a woot from fellow office drones?)

As for what I bought, may I remind you that *ahem* it’s not good to judge books and their covers, so I don’t want to hear it.  Where do you get off being so judgmental anyway?

I got SPIKE, the collection of three one-shots about my favorite undead being.

There.

I had comic books when I was a kid, because I was sort of Miss Hand-Me-Down. My male cousins took over half of the house, and it was through them that I learned of nerdy sci-fi stuff like Star Trek, Star Wars, Dungeons and Dragons and Sea Quest (which is a story in itself).  

They left me some of their old comic books: the first issue of Ghost Rider and some dark Batman comic book that I didn’t like because I loved the campy Batman Adam West played.  I don’t remember where they are, but I’m sure they’re still in my drawer somewhere.

But yes, this is my first comic book, which officially inducts me into the Nerd Squad.  Crown me nerd queen and all fucking hail.

PS: Shout out to everyone who was instrumental in getting me down this path: Lizzy, Paolo M., Mary Ann M. and Lauren C.

I probably will be living on salt and rice in the next few days, but goddamn when you’ve got something as good as this, starvation really isn’t a bad thing:

He is currently nameless (but I’m sure it’s a “he”), so help me out kids.

I realized something today, at approximately 2 in the morning.

After two days of wrestling with a stupid idea that took a foothold in my brain, I had a pretty unnerving discussion with my pseudo-mentor Siege M.

Unnerving, mainly because I realized something.

See, I like to think I write about the things I know. I write about the things I like, or am interested in. I like to think I write the way I want to read.

It’s not very comforting to realize that that’s not exactly true. I’m discovering something entirely new about writing, and it’s not very pretty. I just realized that it’s possible to just be a vessel for the words and the ideas.

See, I wrote something I wouldn’t read if it had been someone else’s. I wrote something I wouldn’t watch if it had been a movie.

So the fear, actually, comes from a very ginormous WHY.

Why write something you don’t even want to think about?

I don’t know.

Essentially, the story took form on its own, and I’m just the means of transportation.

Which is not a comforting thought for control freaks like me, but I suppose I’ll learn to deal.

Other than that I’ve decided to stick to the light and the happy, so expect more stupid installments from The BB Project.

EDIT: Episode 3 is up!

So you know how sometimes you get all delusional and figure you can do something then your imagination starts running wild and you start thinking, “Good God, this is it, I’m gonna be filthy fucking rich”?

That’s what happened.

I say it started while I was on my Buffy marathon, though the idea had been running laps around my head for years.  Watching Buffy on DVD triggered me, like I’m some sort of sleeper writer.

In non-psychotic terms, I figured I could write a story.

Nothing fancy, just something fun.

So I posted it on my LJ and forced people to read.  They did, thankfully, and the response was kind enough to prevent me from jumping haphazardly out the window.  So now I’m on the third episode, and it took me several agonizing weeks to even get the thing right.

My writing process is crap, if you need to know.  I fantasize while commuting (unless I’m sleeping, which is often) and I get this stuff running my head.  Then I sort of play it on constant loop, and finally get all the kinks right before writing it down.

Which doesn’t mean I’m a genius, okay?  Let’s not get ahead of the cow. Or horse. Or whatever four-legged beast rocks your socks.

So what I’m actually saying is that The BB Project is finally available for your viewing pleasure here.  Check out the link up there.  It’s LOCKED, though, so you’ll have to ask me for the password (I’m insecure. And a paranoid android).  The page currently has only the first 2 episodes, with slight variations from when they first appeared in LJ.  I had to change some stuff to fit the main arc I’ve got going in my schizophrenic head.

BTW, I’m still working on Episode 3.  Should be up in a few days.

Leave a comment and I’ll send you the password via email, text, twitter, etc.

PS: I welcome criticism okay? Give me a kick in the proverbial nuts if you think I deserve it.

So before I was sidetracked by the rude commenter I mentioned in the previous post, I was actually gearing up to let you all know that yes, I have improved.

Physically I appear exactly as I did this morning, but don’t let your stupidity fool you.

This is the new me.

The new and improved me, to be specific.

I joined a workshop on Assertive Communication, and man has it turned my life around.

Behold, the new and assertive Miss Choi!

I have to say it wasn’t as painful as I’d feared it would be.  We did have a short getting-to-know-you bit, where we all had to share something unique about us.  I briefly considered suicide after hearing the other participants’ life tidbits.  Consider:

• I improved my life by joining the Speech Club and winning a declamation contest. Hooray!
• I find public speaking difficult.
• I nearly died of drowning when I was seven. (Way to go existential there, Michelle.)

Maybe I should have gone with the classic “I sold my soul to the devil for a can of beer when I was eight” just to shake things up.  But I didn’t.

Instead I wrote, “I was a fan of Kenneth Peralta in the late 80s”.

So lame it could have competed in the Special Olympics and won.

The workshop itself was actually useful, though, and I think I learned something helpful.  Here’s how it works: when attacked, simply repel it by reverting the force back to the opponent.

Sort of like Tai Chi Boxing, but less exhausting.

If I apply my newly learned assertiveness on the situation with my latest hater, it would go something like this:

Hater: Miss Choi is a bitch.

Miss Choi: Interesting. In what ways would you say I have acted bitch-like?

See what I did back there?  Totally fucked up the dude’s mind is what I did.  If I thrown in a polite little “fuck you” in there, the thing will be so assertive you won’t even have a mind left for me to blow.

But to be honest, I think it’s really done something to me.

This morning, before this all started, I was just a bitch.

Now, I’m an assertive bitch.

That’s got to count for something.

I know I’m not a nice person, and people are not obliged to like me, but I certainly didn’t expect the amount of vitriol I received from a particularly hateful comment today.

I’m not popular and most of the time the only people who drop by here are people who know me to a certain degree.  What’s weird is that the comment  really wasn’t commenting on anything.  It didn’t criticize any of my posts or opinions.  It did warn me: “huwag kang magpiling“.  Of course.

Let me just say that since I’m in a very nice and friendly mood today, I would like to give my new found hater a bit of an acknowledgment:

Dear anonymous commenter,

I hope you understand why I had to delete your comment in my post about Jollitown.  It was filled with so much anger that I simply could not let it stay and befoul my domain.

Let me just say that I understand you. I do. Sometimes when people bitch about the stuff I love, I get angry, too.

Was it something I said about Jollitown?  Did I hit a sore spot deep within your heart?  Perhaps I had been too hard on Hetty.

In any case, I do hope we can get past this.  Who knows, maybe one day I can return the favor and leave hateful comments on your blog, too.

Only it won’t be anonymous, because unlike you, man, I have balls.

Love and light,

Miss Choi

I guess you can’t get any more direct than that.

I’m taking a break from my self-imposed blogging hiatus (also known as laziness) to tell you, yes you, to go out and buy a copy of Siege Malvar’s controversial first novel, Roles: A Not Quite Unreal Novel.  Being the powerful and influential blogger that I am, I just know that you, dear reader, will be halfway out the door right now, tearing down the streets at top speed just to do my bidding.

But should some of you be unreliable infidels who need more cajoling, let me give you a few reasons why you should leave the house now and buy a copy.

1. Because I said so. 
2. You want more? Well okay. Crash, the sequel is about to be come out, and you need to read the first novel and get ready for it, of course.
3. Because Siege Malvar is a fantastic writer, and you would be missing out.
4. Because local writers deserve our support. 
5. Because if you do so, Siege will owe me a favor.  Muahahaha!